Deepen Your Relationships By Understanding Love Languages

Deepening RelationshipsDo You Know There Are Different Love Languages?

I didn’t know there were different ways people wanted to receive love.  I thought if I gave them a lot of love, they would receive it.  I didn’t realize I was speaking in the wrong love language, so they didn’t feel like I was giving them love!  Wow!   😯

I Thought I Was Not “Lovable”

All through my school days, I thought I was not lovable or likable because I was “fat” and “unattractive”.  Then when I started my home based business, I did my best to “love” people and show them that I cared about them.  I truly gave them every ounce of “love” I had, however, I knew “deep down inside” that I still wasn’t loved, and they didn’t know that I loved them.  This was very confusing to me.  😥

For Things To Get Better, I Had To “Get Better”

I went on a personal development journey and followed Jim Rohn’s advice.  He said “Don’t ask that life get easier, ask that you get better”.  Jim also said “Don’t ask for less problems, ask for more skills”!   😕  I heard Jim Rohn’s words over and over and over!!

During my search, I discovered people’s perspectives are very different because our human senses are very limited. We have different personality types which means we all have different values and needs.  These differences can lead to unintentional miscommunication and possible hurt feelings.  We have a blog post on “Communicating Effectively with Personality Types” and a test on Facebook which you can take too.  It’s fun discovering how we all perceive things very differently.

Different Ways of Giving and Receiving Love

I became very aware of the Four Quadrant Personality Types and became better at communicating to the 4 basic types, however, I soon found out, there were different Love Languages too!   😯  In other words, people speak basically 5 languages when it comes to the emotion of “love” and how they receive or give love are very, very different!

The 5 Basic Love Languages as stated by Gary Chapman are:

1)  Words of Affirmation – Wants to hear the words “I Love You” and will say the words often.

2)  Quality Time – Truly “being there” without distraction.  Totally paying attention to the other person.

3)  Gifts – Remembering gifts for special days are imperative.  They love to give gifts.

4)  Act of Service – Easing their burden of responsibility.  “Let me do that for you.”  Irresponsibility, laziness, broken commitments show you don’t love them.  They will do the same for you.

5)  Physical Touch – Hugs, pats on the back, and always being there is crucial.  They in turn will always be there physically for you.

Here’s a video on how I discovered different love languages and what that means:

And here’s the link to the Oprah and Iyanla Vanzant misunderstanding video:

Wasn’t that fascinating?   😯  Did you see the look of disbelief on Oprah’s face when Iyanla said “I just wanted you to say you liked me and you never did.”! Oprah’s love language was giving her “quality time” and an “act of service“. Oprah let Iyanla run 22 of her shows!  For Oprah, that was the “ultimate trust” and the “ultimate act of love”, however, Iyanla wanted “words of affirmation“. Oprah said “what did you think that meant?” and Iyanla said “I couldn’t receive that.  You gotta hear that”.  Wow!  😯  That was so powerful and an excellent example of the different love languages and how relationships can be hurt by misunderstanding someone’s love language.

So have you had misunderstandings due to differences in love languages? We’d love to hear about them and how you felt about our post in our comments section below.   May we also ask you to click the “f share” button at the top of the article, to share on Facebook or “retweet” this on Twitter?

And if you’d like to learn more tips and secrets I’ve used over the past 16 years, sign up for our video series below.

Sending you a lot of “Aloha” (love) & “Mahalo” (thank you) for being a part of our “Ohana” (family)!

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20 Comments For This Post

  1. Scott Inoue Says:

    Aloha Kellie!
    So true! Such a simple concept, yet so easily overlooked! Personally, I think I’m a #1 and #5. Mahalo for opening my eyes to this my friend!

    ♥ Scott

  2. Kellie Hosaka Says:

    Aloha Scott,
    Yeah, you’re a “softy”! Even your Philly mascot is warm and fuzzy! LOL! It’s actually very cool to know what your own love language is. It took me years to realize what my “inner love language” was verses what I was pretending it was cause that was the “accepted” way to love.

    Thank you for your comments and for visiting me! I really appreciate your love and support! Mahalo 🙂
    Kellie Hosaka�´s last blog post ..How To Make Personal Growth Part Of Your Daily RoutineMy Profile

  3. GigiNJones Says:

    Thank you so much Kellie! Relationships are a key value for many people. I am very grateful to have learned this concept. It allowed me to have more power and take responsibility to meet my own love requirements and also to have improved relationships with family, friends, and associates. It really is a blessing.

    In gratitude,

  4. Kellie Hosaka Says:

    Aloha Gigi,
    Thank you for your comments. I am glad you learned a lot about love languages. The key is to apply it to ourselves and then apply it to others. When we are fulfilled, we can easily communicate in others love language instead of our own. That’s when the magic happens! Aloha 🙂
    Kellie Hosaka�´s last blog post ..Why Personal Growth Is Essential To Your Happiness In LifeMy Profile

  5. Shannon Tecson Says:

    Thank you Kellie for revisiting this concept of the different love languages. It seems like “many” years ago you taught me to see this, but it probably has only been a couple years ago. lol!
    You encouraged me to discover what were Shannon’s love languages, and then you helped me to see the teams love language as well. The concept is vital to well-being and contentment because I no longer look “outside” for the fulfillment of my love. Learning how to fill myself up first, gives me the ability to give out. Love on others, in “their” love language.
    Communication is still something I’m learning…Understanding is the very key…

    Love you Kellie,

  6. Kellie Hosaka Says:

    Aloha Shannon,
    Thank you for your comments. I am so happy you are doing so well and helping so many people! Thank you for all you do! Aloha 🙂

  7. lani iokua Says:

    Aloha Kellie,

    Thank you for a great post! I have never learned about the different love languages until you opened my eyes and talked to me about it. In the past I gave love the way I felt it should be given to another based on my own values. I am still learnining this concept and a great reminder for myself. Most importantly to know my own love language.

  8. Kellie Hosaka Says:

    Aloha Lani,
    Thank you for your comments. I am glad you enjoyed our post! Learning love languages will transform your relationships with others. Aloha 🙂

  9. Donna Merrill Says:

    Hey Kellie
    Came by your latest post and enjoyed it so much. Love is like fingerprints…we all have a unique way of loving. When working with my clients, I tell them this analogy so they can understand what is going on in their lives. The description you give in this post will help so many …I know.
    I am grateful to you
    Donna Merrill
    Donna Merrill�´s last blog post ..Got FreedomMy Profile

  10. Kellie Hosaka Says:

    Aloha Donna,
    I am so happy to see you on our blog Donna! Thank you so much for visiting and for your very kind comments. I am glad our sharing helps so many people. It warms my heart to know that our posts have touched people’s lives. Thank you my dear friend! Aloha 🙂

  11. Justin | Mazzastick Says:


    I learned about this from one of Tony Robbins audio programs. He said that basically everyone has a style or system for how they feel and receive love.

    My way of love may be different than the person I am showing love to. It’s best if we can ask the other person what is the best way to show love to them.

    Never really thought of this before but it makes sense.
    Justin | Mazzastick�´s last blog post ..Truth Is KnowingMy Profile

  12. Liam Says:

    Very interesting post! I would say I’m a #4 and #5, which really explains why I have walked away from some relationships and the other person not understood in the slightest why… I may have to do a post on this on my relationship site (, as it does explain a lot!

    Anyways, I have retweeted ^^

  13. Kellie Hosaka Says:

    Aloha Justin,
    Nice to meet you here on our blog. Tony Robbins is so great! I love his teachings and have learned a lot from him throughout the years. Success leaves tracks and after a while I found all successful people follow the same universal laws and truths. Thank you for your comments! Aloha 🙂

  14. Jacqueline Gates Says:

    There’s no doubt that we all receive and give love differently ~ and this is an insightful explanation of the differences.

    I wish we could make this lesson a Requirement for all newly weds, new parents, actually ANYONE going into a new relationship of any sort … it would make life a lot less stressful.

    Great post, as usual, Ms Kellie!

    the goddess known as Jacqui
    Jacqueline Gates�´s last blog post ..Keep Going! aka Mountain Climbing is Good For Online Businesses!My Profile

  15. Kellie Hosaka Says:

    Aloha Jacqui,
    I agree with you! I wish I knew this when I started my home business, it would have saved me many years and much heartache! It really works too! Thank you for your kind comments Goddess! 🙂
    Kellie Hosaka�´s last blog post ..How To Make Personal Growth Part Of Your Daily RoutineMy Profile

  16. Debra Agoo Says:

    You truly hit the nail on the head on this one. I was taught from a young age by my parents example that love was shown by feeding, clothing, and sheltering us, not necessarily through physical affection or expression. Having children turned that upside down completely and today I wear my heart on my sleeve. I love finding how my children like to receive love beyond the gifts and hugs and I love yous! I treasure the book “To A Child, Love Means Time” because the time I’ve spent with my kids while working from home truly means everything to me. Thank you for the book and the loving reminder…I appreciate you!:)

  17. Kellie Says:

    Aloha Debra!
    I missed your response back then. I am glad you are gaining from our blog posts. And yes, children grow up so fast and the quality time we spend with them are so precious. Thank you for your comments. Aloha 🙂

  18. Louise Says:

    Aloha Kellie,

    Can you tell me if you think people with different love languages can still have a successful, rewarding and loving relationship?


  19. Kellie Says:

    Aloha Louise!
    Nice to meet you here on our blog. Oh yes, I definitely feel that people with different love languages can have a very rewarding relationship. In fact, once I learned about different love languages I am able to have many loving relationships with my friends and family as well. I now understand that how they show me love is how they want to be loved, therefore I am able to give love to them in their love language instead of just my own. It really works well! Much aloha 🙂

  20. Gregory Pulju Says:

    This was a timely and very interesting blog. I just finished 2 weeks ago a 9 week adult Sunday school class that was based on Gary Chapman’s book on the five love languages. It helped me understand both of what I really was expecting from my wife and what she very likely was expecting from me before we separated. This blog with its videos were a confirmation of what was taught. Thank you, Kelly.

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